Mia Remembers
by Wanderlustlover
Summary: After the murder Mia thinks about herself and how lost she really is.


Title: Mia Remembers

Author: Manda

Word Count: 977

Fandom: Green Arrow

Setting: Recent issues (#40)

Everyone says your firsts are what stain you for life.

You base everything on your firsts.

You always remember them.

Mia remembers the first time she met Ollie, and it was Ollie, because Ollie and Green Arrow are one and the same. Unlike other heroes and vigilante Ollie isn't different when he puts on the mask from when he takes it off. He doesn't stand, walk, stand, or act any differently really. He's just Ollie with a nickname and a different set of clothing in flashy green

Mia remembers the first time she had drugs. The feeling of it like acid in her system as it took over her senses and sent her someone far away. Someplace where she could actually hide from her abusive, not-caring parents and her messed up world. Sometimes she still wants more even though she's been clean over a year now.

Mia remembers the first time she sold her body for money. Someone else's money, too, because they kept it and she got to keep a pallet on the floor and food in her stomach. And it taught her that love wasn't something that you could find like in storybooks, but something that was bought and sold. Something that felt good but left a mess on your body, a type of filth you could never clean off.

Mia remembers the first time Ollie saved her life and there were many. His bow and arrows flying everywhere and already setting her life on the right course. He gave her a job, sent her to school, put a roof over her head with good food, and family and asked for very little in return. But she wanted to do so much for him, didn't she? She wanted to pay him back for everything he gave her and continued to give her for free.

Mia remembers the first time she saw the arrows flying from Ollie and Connor while they were practicing. They held their bows like they were special, and important, and like they weighed nothing. But when she tried to pick one up it was heavy and she felt clumsy and confused. Like it didn't fit. But that didn't matter. She used it until it fit. She used it daily, practicing and honing herself while they were out there fighting the true evil of the city.

Mia remembers the first dream she had about going with Ollie. When he was calling her Speedy, and she was his sidekick, and they were kicking ass and taking names together. She woke up with the best smile on her face and was flushed with embarrassment at the first words he said to her, even though it was about school. She couldn't think of anything else she wanted though. She made straight A's. She had a steady home and family, even if it was dysfunctional. Very dysfunctional.

Mia remembers how hard and how long she fought him on getting to go out with them. It took the better part of a year and when she went with them, it wasn't because Ollie agreed. It was because he couldn't say no. That was good enough for her though. She went out with Ollie and Connor and it was amazing. She kicked ass. She took names. She knocked arrows and they hit their targets. And then she did the thing she can't forget.

He had blue eyes like the ocean on a partially cloudy day and his hair was the same color as darkened wheat, brown with a slight honey shine. His clothes were rumpled, a deep crimson robe over a pair of blue jeans. There was a large metal-looking yoke around his neck and his first words were;

"Kill me."

He babbled about the fact he had no control and that the entire world would come to an end if they didn't kill him. The beasts kept coming, kept coming and there was no choice. They must kill him then or it would get worse and worse and then the world would be overcome and destroyed by the hell-spawn beats. She remembers thinking about Richard and the evil he brought into her life. She remembered her family –Ollie, Dinah, Roy, Connor- and the fact she'd die before they world could be hurt.

She remembers the feeling of the fletching between her fingers. She remembered the tautness of the bowstring. She remembers the feeling of surprise when the bow sprung and was suddenly flaccid of intent, her eyes on the arrow that leapt from her aimed for his heart, just as she registered that she never should have been let go and that she'd do it all again.

Her first mask. Her first costume. Her first bow and set of arrows. Her first fight. Her first brush with evil.

…..her first kill.

Mia remembers. Mia remembers every single second of it.

But most all; Mia remembers the first time she met Ollie. Because when Mia first met Ollie she was trapped in a world of darkness. She was so far under that she couldn't remember how to breathe or hope. She thought that her life was an existing terror and that it was never going to be better for her. She only walked through her days with the will to survive it because there was no other way.

And from where she sits now, deep inside herself, Mia knows that she would take that hell over this any day. Because she can't breathe. Because she can't sleep. Because she can't eat. Because the tears have dried up. Because she can't look at Dinah, Ollie or Connor. Because nothing is the same anymore. Because it won't ever be. Because Ollie can't save her now. Because no one can save her now.

Because all she can do, is sit with her back against the wall on her bed, staring blankly, remembering.


End file.
